*yawns*

hmm i am in hibernation mode, urmz something like my brain my legs and my eyes are asleep but the rest of the body is wide awake, my legs are honestly killing me, damn painful to even walk fast, old ladies are winning me in their pace...hahah aniwaes i woke up to the newpaper on my face, my niece brought delivery to a new meaning when she dropped the paper on my face and stepped on me along the way, nothing like a loving wake up call ya...

I think i am going to stop reading the papers, so painful and so evil, lets review the paper today k...Journalist intern MeL reports,

Page 1, Beast of Balestier
This serial rapist(not to be mistaken with cereal rapist like me whu rape coco crunch and honey stars), went around raping China women and sodomizing them...This freak whu deserves mention for being a muthafuckin asshole destroyed their lifes with his lust and all he got was 28 years in jail, i say let him out and let him at Changi and let him get raped by our "CONFUSED" frens at changi, anyways fuck him he is an asshole but i pity the ladies, their lifes are spoilt by this violation and they probably relive the moment day in day out...i pray for them and just wanna tell them that you are letting him off by living with it, its hard but you ladies got to move on...God Bless Ya

Page 2, Alleged Killer claims his english not good enough
This dumbfuck who was busy seeing gals instead of listenin to his teacher got arrested for alleged murder and than denied legal representation and now claims his "england not powderful to write like the prosecution".. Firstly you write excellently or not you still must have the law by your side, he then proceeds to complain about everything under the sun all totally unrelated to his charge...Your honour, i humbly request that the defendant be denied the death penalty and be given life imprisonment with exams for english every year, for each mark he loses he be given a stroke of the cane..

Page 10, Cabby stalk driver
Some bus driver cut into a cabbys lane and that psycho cabby stalked him for five months and attacked him with a metal rod, what the hell? u want to do also wait five months for wat? and for cutting your lane? cabbys in S'pore getting more and more crazy, i taking the train now on..knn wait he not happy stalk me...

Page 18, Toddles Crushed By Ambulance
I was really sad to read this and as i read the article finish i sat and prayed for a good five mins, this kid thought the ambulance reversing was a game and stood as it reversed towards him...To the screams of teachers and frens he died in their arms...I pray for his soul to reach heaven soon, such a tender age, probably had so much of dreams thought out for him by his parents..I look at his picture and i cant bear to think of the pain the kid must have went through, God Bless his soul..

Page 77, Will Man Utd Crumble?
I suggest tha journalist go wash his mouth with dettol, nb choy ah, Man utd are the best and without biasness i say that chelsea can go compete in S-league, haha Man Utd have been playing very well recently and i am proud to say i was born a Red Devil, even if we end up in nothing i am proud of the way the team is playing, Chelsea's money mean nothing to passion and good football, fletcher is worth more than your multi-million dollar ballack...

Now we all know why i never will turn out to be a journalist, but a columnist future truly intrigues me, and it remains a dream till i do my degree and so on, hopefully one day i become one...